Garden Sheds and Their Owners

Garden Sheds and Their Owners

Garden sheds are owned by many different types of people. This light-hearted article takes a look at some of the stereotypical garden shed owners across the land:

The Handyman

The garden shed is his domain and he likes to spend all his spare time in there. Should anyone else in the family want to cross the threshold of his domain, they have to have permission from him, which is rarely given. The Handyman does not throw anything out ‘just-in- case’…there was a sudden shortage of rusty wire, broken shelves, cracked flower pots, and dried up paint tins in the world. Most of his time is spent either rearranging all the ‘just- in-cases’ or looking for something he now needs but can’t find.

The Fanatic

The garden shed owned by The Fanatic is not allowed to have any mud, bugs, or spills in it. This shed is tidier than most people’s homes. Every tool in the ‘Spade By Him’ Catalogue can be found in The Fanatic’s shed, and the majority of them have not been used. The tools that have been used for the occasional gardening job have been washed, oiled, and polished to within an inch of its life. Everything is labelled, stored neatly in alphabetical order, and recorded in a filing system. The Fanatic spends a lot of time in his garden shed: re-arranging tools, sharpening tools, emptying draws and refilling them, dusting and polishing the shelves. Once he has left the shed he shuts the door, locks, and double locks the door.

The Chav’s

This garden shed is filled with anything and everything that has been acquired from car boot sales or unknown sources. The bigger the better. If there is anything in the shed that relates to gardening, it is in there more by accident then intention, as The Chav’s owner does not believe in gardening. Hooks on the wall are home to Burberry baseball caps; a large music system pumps out loud dance music day and night. Settees fill the shed to accommodate the many visitors who stay for several hours watching Jerry Springer on the portable TV, and a small fridge in the corner contains several cans of larger to quench the ever present thirst.

The Allotmenter

As the name suggests, this garden shed is located on an allotment and is home to many ancient and well worn tools. Onions hang from the ceiling to dry among the many spider webs, and green tomatoes perch on the window sill to ripen in the sunlight. Although this garden shed is used for its intended purpose, it does double up as the gardener’s social club, hence the four fold-up chairs leaning against the wall for the frequent visitors. A camping stove is on the work bench, accompanied by a battered kettle, and four chipped mugs.

The Hobbyist

For the hobbyist who is the collector, their garden shed is filled top to bottom with their respective collection. Their collections are highly organised, carefully catalogued, and attractively displayed. Many hours are spent examining their collection under spotlights that have been carefully installed into the ceiling, and the windows are fitted with black out blinds so the sunlight does not damage the collection.

For the creative hobbyist, such as the aspiring writer, the garden shed becomes their haven of inspiration. A desk and computer sit by the window, and the shelves are stuffed with books about the art of writing. There is only the one chair as guests are not invited into the haven, “writers deliberately put themselves in exile by going into the shed,” said novelist and historian Jane Smith. And Jane Smith is one of many successful shed writers, for example: children’s writer Ronald Dahl, playwright George Bernard Shaw, and fiction writer Amy Hempel, are successful writers from the shed.

It’s no wonder the sales of garden sheds are increasing when they are such versatile garden buildings, and can be adapted to suit anyone’s needs.

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